Q: Hello! What a wonderful forum! I'm
hoping you can give me insights into my son's puzzling behavior. He just
turned 10 and has high-functioning autism. Overall, he is not aggressive,
self-injurious (is that a word?) or overly rigid. But he is doing things
that have his school team and his behavioralist totally
baffled.
(1) My son has never been aggressive before,
but this year at lunch he is acting out against 3 girls - all whom he likes a
lot! One he refers to as his favorite friend. I know there is not an
issue of teasing. But at recess he will stomp on his one friend's foot, or
roar in their faces, or call them names. I think this started when he
first roared at girls and they laughed. So he was getting attention.
But I do not know why he stomps on their feet or calls them names - these are
people he calls friends! We did not see this behavior earlier in the
year, but my son typically has problems after Christmas break. He knows
this behavior hurts their feelings and is not appropriate - he recites the
"rules" all the time. But he is not stopping the behavior.
(2) My son typically starts the new school
year well, but then has difficulty after Christmas break. Last year we saw
many tantrums that were pretty bad. This year there have been a few, but
no where in intensity like last year. (His placement is different this
year - he is mainstreamed more, with a 1:1 aide). We cannot figure out why
coming back from break and late winter is so difficult for him - he says he
likes school. I'm wondering if he gets much more exercise during the
summer - but we got a lot of snow this year and he got plenty of exercise
playing outside this winter.
I thank you for any insights you can provide.
You are the experts. The ones who think they are (my school's
behavioralist) don't have a clue!
Karen
A: 1) To a certain extent, boys pulling the pigtails of girls they like is
perfectly normal. Guys all have to learn that punching girls is not
considered endearing behavior. It's just going to take a little longer for
your son. Talking with him about this girl and asking him what he thinks
she would like, and then steering him to more traditional gestures like
Snoopy valentines and friendship bracelets might be good. He's excited about
this girl (in a cute puppy-love way, I'm sure), and the rules never mean
much when you are excited - but results do.
2) I always found post-Christmas hard too - gross late winter weather and
too many kids in too small a space. Many people get the post-holiday blues,
but expressing those feelings may be difficult for an Aspie. Giving him
something else to look forward to and plan for, and it may help receive the
tension. This are just suggestions, but perhaps a trip your family is
planning on taking, or his birthday, or a craft project. Good luck!
-Lynn
Comments